Step 3: Exchanging inner Thoughts.
Dec. 7th, 2014 05:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pekelekeTitle: Step 3: Exchanging Inner Thoughts.
Fandom: Harry potter (Snarry)
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.
Author: pekeleke.
Rating: G.
Word count: 569
Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.
A/N: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles (DW,LJ, IJ) 2014 prompt 6: Holiday Hangover, Prompt 7: Sparkling Cider.
A/N2: This is the third part of my In Love And War Series.
Summary: Severus had a million things to do, and he should have been doing them, but he'd taken the afternoon off to sit here and watch his young snakes fly circles around Potter, instead.
Step 3: Exchanging Inner Thoughts.
Severus had a million things to do, chief among them was brewing the holiday hangover remedy he'd developed as a way to survive Hagrid's yearly invitation to welcome the season with a goblet of homemade sparkling cider. Yes, he had a million things to do, and he should have been doing them, but he'd taken the afternoon off to sit here and watch his young snakes fly circles around Potter instead.
The sound of the children's rare laughter was enough to keep him pinned to the Quidditch stands without a single regret for the amount of sleep he'd have to lose if he wanted to catch up with his many tasks. He wouldn't have exchanged this one instant for all the unicorn horn powder left in England.
This was the thing he liked the most about working at Hogwarts: the chance to watch his young snakes thrive. He relished the challenge of guiding them as they soared higher. Delighting in the triumph of watching them grow ever confident. Helping sharpen their cunning and polish the social grace that would turn them into the elegant mixture of brains and ambition that set Slytherins apart.
Potter kept whooping loudly, weaving around their brooms like a messy-haired hummingbird and they followed wherever he led, whooping as loudly as he did as they dove and rose in close formation across the darkening sky. Watching their carefree joy from the stands left Severus feeling unbearably lonely. Useless in every sense to these colorful birds who seemed so very intent on reaching out for the stars.
“You look pensive, Severus. I hope our silly game didn't bore you too much.” Potter said when he finally told the kids to pack up and alighted next to him.
Severus studied his colleague with barely disguised curiosity, unable to understand why the brat had so readily granted him the favor he'd requested, but grateful that he had, nonetheless. Potter shone where he, himself, constantly failed. He'd have never been able to achieve so much with so little. He'd never been the kind of teacher children willingly gravitated towards, no matter how much he cared about the little beasts.
“They had a wonderful time.” He pointed out quietly, fixing his dark eyes on the small row of little bodies roughhousing each other up the path.
Potter's hand hovered anxiously in front of Severus' face before he finally dared to touch the underside of his jaw, forcing their gazes into head-on collision.
“Why so gloom then? I thought this was what you wanted.”
Severus jerked instinctively backwards and stood up abruptly, thoroughly unnerved by that unexpected contact.
“This shouldn't have been so special for them. They should have been flying around the pitch every day, if it pleased them.”
“Maybe they will from now on. Everything has to start somewhere.”
“Yes, it has to. You're wiser than you look, brat. Unless you swallowed a book of quotes and keep spouting them around me out of spite.”
Potter laughed, tugging his arm as he headed towards the steps that would led them down to the castle's path.
“Maybe the company I keep inspires me to be thoughtful.”
Severus followed him easily, faking lighthearted amusement to cover his sudden discomfort with the strange intensity that had taken over those beautiful green eyes.
“Stellar company that. You should definitely cherish it.”
“I'm trying as hard as I can, Severus. I'm trying.”
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Date: 2014-12-08 09:33 pm (UTC)Caution: following the break is a rather lenghty discourse about this chapter.
Do not read between the breaks, if you're not really interested. Just skip to the end.
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If you are still reading, be warned that I'm going to pour out my thoughts about things that are probably obvious to all, common knowledge, and/or simply mushy. (Yeah, you know you do this to me, pekeleke!)
---Last chance to skip---
Just some thoughts:
"Watching their carefree joy from the stands left Severus feeling umbearably lonely. Useless in every sense to these colorful birds who seemed so very intent on reaching out for the stars."
Severus literally stands at the sidelines, not only during this match, but throughout his whole life, it seems. He feels out of place, not only grounded but rooted, entrenched - unable himself to reach for the stars.
He sees himself as colourless (perhaps even bereft of light?), as useless(!), supposedly unable to help his students ... but he has no qualms "using" Harry to help his Slytherins fly.
"Severus studied his colleague with barely disguised curiosity, unable to understand why the brat had so readily granted him the favor he'd requested, but grateful that he had, nonetheless."
He is clueless about Harry's motives for helping them/him. How about respect, friendship? Obviously that is not something Severus has been closely acquainted with. And if he was/is, he maybe doubts it to be Harry's motivation (which would be somehow true, seeing as Harry's reason is most likely love).
This might be explained by Severus being Slytherin, but again it seems to be one of the lessons life tought him: Do not trust easily, and when you trust someone beware, because this trust might be betrayed or even twisted and used to hurt you.
But Severus pushes these doubts, this curiosity away, and underneath there seems to be an unconscious(?) fondness - he is calling both Harry (brat) and his Slytherins (beats) names - and gratitude. No taking for granted the help he is being offered, no making ridicule of Harry's Quidditch skills. No deniying of whatever respite Harry is able to offer for his students. Quite contrary, for he has seeked out the Gryffindor, has asked for a favor (as a Slytherin he will be aware, or assume, that Harry will want something in return? In a way, he put himself at Harry's mercy - because who knows what this will cost him in the end?)
(Do you realize how many times I wanted to write "Potter" instead of "Harry"? I never call him "Potter" in my head... Huh.)
"Potter shone where he, himself, constantly failed. He'd have never been able to achieve so much with so little."
You make my heart break, you hear me?! ...
What can I say to this? It's brilliant. It's a mirror of Severus's soul, if I ever saw one.
How can he not see himself for what he truly is? Why does he not realize that he has done everything and more for them and continues to do so. How can he think that he failed them? This must kill him inside. All those years of thinking like this.
"He'd never been the kind of teacher children willingly gravitated towards, no matter how much he cared about the little beasts."
He's always thinking so low of himself, cannot see how much he is able to give to those around him. Unpleasant, derisive, heartless pariah that he is.
And still he cares so much...
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Yeah okay. I've outdone myself. Urgh.
I hope (know) that Harry will prove Severus wrong, that he will show him what he sees, what Severus truly is like. And then they will be happy and all will be fluffy and forever and always! So. Yes. That's it.
Thank you, pekeleke.
Hugs
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Date: 2014-12-11 01:14 am (UTC)I'm absolutely chuffed about the fact that this chapter moved you so much. Your comments regarding Severus' behavior here, and the reasons behind them, are almost an exact reflection of the way I see him myself, which is probably why my usual characterization of him tends to be so insecure and stubbornly self-defensive.
I don't know if Harry will ever convince Severus to see himself as Harry sees him, but he'll definitely get him to the point where he'll trust Harry's intentions completely and believe that the brat's feelings are real, even if he's secretly certain that Harry has bad taste in men. *shakes head* Severus has to win, even if it is at his own expense, doesn't he? :D
It is true that he's been clueless about Harry's real intentions so far in this story, but he won't remain so for much longer. This version of Severus is mellower than my usual, more prone to introspection and, hopefully, less resistant to change. There will be hurdles ahead, but I'm hoping they'll be brief and once they are over we'll have our fluffy happy ending, because that's what Sev deserves. :D
I'm really glad you're enjoying this story so much, my friend, and don't be sorry for the length of your comment. Reading it made my day a whole lot brighter and I treasure every word. Every single, thoughtful, beautiful word you wrote here is a wonderful gift that you've given me. :D
Hugs
pekeleke
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Date: 2014-12-12 07:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-12 05:33 am (UTC)Lovely installment. :)
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