These are some of the most powerful paragraphs I have read in a long time. In them you condensed so much characterization of this truly intiguing character of Severus Snape.
Caution: following the break is a rather lenghty discourse about this chapter. Do not read between the breaks, if you're not really interested. Just skip to the end.
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If you are still reading, be warned that I'm going to pour out my thoughts about things that are probably obvious to all, common knowledge, and/or simply mushy. (Yeah, you know you do this to me, pekeleke!)
---Last chance to skip---
Just some thoughts:
"Watching their carefree joy from the stands left Severus feeling umbearably lonely. Useless in every sense to these colorful birds who seemed so very intent on reaching out for the stars."
Severus literally stands at the sidelines, not only during this match, but throughout his whole life, it seems. He feels out of place, not only grounded but rooted, entrenched - unable himself to reach for the stars. He sees himself as colourless (perhaps even bereft of light?), as useless(!), supposedly unable to help his students ... but he has no qualms "using" Harry to help his Slytherins fly.
"Severus studied his colleague with barely disguised curiosity, unable to understand why the brat had so readily granted him the favor he'd requested, but grateful that he had, nonetheless."
He is clueless about Harry's motives for helping them/him. How about respect, friendship? Obviously that is not something Severus has been closely acquainted with. And if he was/is, he maybe doubts it to be Harry's motivation (which would be somehow true, seeing as Harry's reason is most likely love). This might be explained by Severus being Slytherin, but again it seems to be one of the lessons life tought him: Do not trust easily, and when you trust someone beware, because this trust might be betrayed or even twisted and used to hurt you. But Severus pushes these doubts, this curiosity away, and underneath there seems to be an unconscious(?) fondness - he is calling both Harry (brat) and his Slytherins (beats) names - and gratitude. No taking for granted the help he is being offered, no making ridicule of Harry's Quidditch skills. No deniying of whatever respite Harry is able to offer for his students. Quite contrary, for he has seeked out the Gryffindor, has asked for a favor (as a Slytherin he will be aware, or assume, that Harry will want something in return? In a way, he put himself at Harry's mercy - because who knows what this will cost him in the end?) (Do you realize how many times I wanted to write "Potter" instead of "Harry"? I never call him "Potter" in my head... Huh.)
"Potter shone where he, himself, constantly failed. He'd have never been able to achieve so much with so little."
You make my heart break, you hear me?! ... What can I say to this? It's brilliant. It's a mirror of Severus's soul, if I ever saw one. How can he not see himself for what he truly is? Why does he not realize that he has done everything and more for them and continues to do so. How can he think that he failed them? This must kill him inside. All those years of thinking like this.
"He'd never been the kind of teacher children willingly gravitated towards, no matter how much he cared about the little beasts."
He's always thinking so low of himself, cannot see how much he is able to give to those around him. Unpleasant, derisive, heartless pariah that he is. And still he cares so much...
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Yeah okay. I've outdone myself. Urgh. I hope (know) that Harry will prove Severus wrong, that he will show him what he sees, what Severus truly is like. And then they will be happy and all will be fluffy and forever and always! So. Yes. That's it.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-08 09:33 pm (UTC)Caution: following the break is a rather lenghty discourse about this chapter.
Do not read between the breaks, if you're not really interested. Just skip to the end.
-----------------------
If you are still reading, be warned that I'm going to pour out my thoughts about things that are probably obvious to all, common knowledge, and/or simply mushy. (Yeah, you know you do this to me, pekeleke!)
---Last chance to skip---
Just some thoughts:
"Watching their carefree joy from the stands left Severus feeling umbearably lonely. Useless in every sense to these colorful birds who seemed so very intent on reaching out for the stars."
Severus literally stands at the sidelines, not only during this match, but throughout his whole life, it seems. He feels out of place, not only grounded but rooted, entrenched - unable himself to reach for the stars.
He sees himself as colourless (perhaps even bereft of light?), as useless(!), supposedly unable to help his students ... but he has no qualms "using" Harry to help his Slytherins fly.
"Severus studied his colleague with barely disguised curiosity, unable to understand why the brat had so readily granted him the favor he'd requested, but grateful that he had, nonetheless."
He is clueless about Harry's motives for helping them/him. How about respect, friendship? Obviously that is not something Severus has been closely acquainted with. And if he was/is, he maybe doubts it to be Harry's motivation (which would be somehow true, seeing as Harry's reason is most likely love).
This might be explained by Severus being Slytherin, but again it seems to be one of the lessons life tought him: Do not trust easily, and when you trust someone beware, because this trust might be betrayed or even twisted and used to hurt you.
But Severus pushes these doubts, this curiosity away, and underneath there seems to be an unconscious(?) fondness - he is calling both Harry (brat) and his Slytherins (beats) names - and gratitude. No taking for granted the help he is being offered, no making ridicule of Harry's Quidditch skills. No deniying of whatever respite Harry is able to offer for his students. Quite contrary, for he has seeked out the Gryffindor, has asked for a favor (as a Slytherin he will be aware, or assume, that Harry will want something in return? In a way, he put himself at Harry's mercy - because who knows what this will cost him in the end?)
(Do you realize how many times I wanted to write "Potter" instead of "Harry"? I never call him "Potter" in my head... Huh.)
"Potter shone where he, himself, constantly failed. He'd have never been able to achieve so much with so little."
You make my heart break, you hear me?! ...
What can I say to this? It's brilliant. It's a mirror of Severus's soul, if I ever saw one.
How can he not see himself for what he truly is? Why does he not realize that he has done everything and more for them and continues to do so. How can he think that he failed them? This must kill him inside. All those years of thinking like this.
"He'd never been the kind of teacher children willingly gravitated towards, no matter how much he cared about the little beasts."
He's always thinking so low of himself, cannot see how much he is able to give to those around him. Unpleasant, derisive, heartless pariah that he is.
And still he cares so much...
-------------------------
Yeah okay. I've outdone myself. Urgh.
I hope (know) that Harry will prove Severus wrong, that he will show him what he sees, what Severus truly is like. And then they will be happy and all will be fluffy and forever and always! So. Yes. That's it.
Thank you, pekeleke.
Hugs