In The Palm Of Your Hand.
Dec. 12th, 2012 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pekelekeTitle: In The Palm Of Your Hand.
Fandom: Harry potter (Snarry)
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.
Author: pekeleke.
Rating: G.
Word count: 957.
Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.
A/N: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles 2012 Prompt 12: Flying reindeer.
This is the twelfth part in my Seeking Home series.
Summary: Love comes in may shapes and sizes. There's the love of a father and the love of a friend. There's love you can't return and love that places your heart in another man's hands...
In The Palm Of Your Hand.
Harry startled as a magnificent owl swept into the room, twirling once above their heads before alighting on the armrest of Severus' chair.
“Iris... what are you doing here?”
The owl lifted her left foot, carefully curling her wicked-looking claws around the knuckle of Severus' index finger and balancing herself on it as she allowed him to release the small box she carried. Harry followed the strangely affectionate process with a goofy smile on his face, admiring her beautiful feathers as she rose once more in the air, departing with the majestic flair of a queen after taking her owl treat.
“That's a beautiful owl...”
Severus agreed distractedly as he opened the box, filling the whole room with a soft bark of delighted laughter a second later.
“Oh, Draco...”
Harry stiffened as if poked with a rod.
“That was Malfoy's owl?”
"He's outdone himself this year. Look at this, Harry"
Severus reached inside the box, taking out a single glass figurine that shone like stardust under the light. It was beautiful and delicate, a breathtaking rendition of a flying reindeer that had been enchanted to trot through the air as it hung from its silver cord.
“He sent you a Christmas decoration? Isn't that a bit... infantile?”
“It's a tradition between us. We've been doing this for ages. I give him a small token to hang on the manor's tree and he returns the favour with something meant to make me smile. I've gotten dancing trolls, hiccuping dragons, purple snowmen and twinkling Christmas bells... Now I've got a flying reindeer, too.”
Harry's stomach churned unpleasantly. He'd realized ages ago that Severus cared for Draco, but knowing that in an abstract sort of way wasn't the same as hearing the man he loved speak about that annoying ferret so... affectionately.
“You know he's in love with you, right?”
Severus stiffened from head to foot and his voice became quiet. Regretful. Soft like a rose petal:
“Draco's emotions are a jumbled mess right now. He's confused and alone. He feels... lost. I don't think he understands his own heart fully.”
“He's been in love with you for years, though. He worships the ground you walk on. He hung onto your every word when we were in school. He's less obvious about it now, but he still orbits around you like a forlorn little moon”
Severus' hand twitched uncomfortably, curling protectively around the delicate figurine resting in his palm. He studied it intently, with eyes that had become shadowed and weary. Dulled by the weight of a hundred unvoiced regrets.
“I've harmed him deeply. He's as fragile as this glass at the moment. He's refusing to recover, tries to hold onto his impossible dreams without realizing that they're letting him down because they were never meant to be. His father is gone, his mother is heartsick, and I... There's nothing between us, Harry”
Harry's index finger dared to touch the delicate antler of that beautiful reindeer. His throat ached with a desperate sadness for the blond boy who had so much, and yet so little, of the man they both loved.
“He's so beautiful... more beautiful than I will ever be. He's refined. Rich. A slytherin... He understands potions in a way I can't hope to compete with. He's a perfect match for you in every way there is, Severus”
Severus' black eyes pinned him to the spot.
“He's been a source of untold delight in my life for many years. He's the boy I nurtured since childhood, the youth I tried to save, the recipient of my knowledge, the son I never had... I can't deny that I love him very deeply, I just don't love him the way he wants me to.”
Harry's breath caught at that brutally honest admission of affection. He felt devastated. Wounded. Jealous. His gaze brightened with impotent tears that he couldn't afford to shed here and now. Severus was finally offering him access to the fiercely guarded secrets of his heart and Harry had no intention of destroying that tentative trust by appearing... immature.
“Why not? I know I shouldn't be asking, but... I have to know why. I need to understand why he isn't what you need when he matches you perfectly. What could I possibly give you that he can't? What will keep you by my side in the long run?”
Silence grew as Severus' eyes closed. He pondered his answer for a very long time. Finally his lids fluttered apart, unveiling a look that was as bright as it was resolute. His voice broke the silence, coiling around them both like golden thread, uniting them together in this instant, enthralling Harry's senses:
“I care for Draco in a way that won't allow me to surrender myself into his care. I love him like a father or a mentor. Like a man who sees a child in need of... guidance. I see you in a totally different way, Harry. I've taught you and protected you for years. But I've also allowed you to hold my hand and lead my stumbling form around a frozen lake. I've allowed you to become my anchor, my support, the embodiment of my safety... Love isn't really about finding some elusive perfect match. Love is about learning to see an imperfect person with a perfect sort of clarity. Love is wise in its own way. It's blind and illogical, but its also undeniable. I care very much for Draco, but I don't love him with every fibre of my being. I can't. My heart isn't mine any longer. It has been compromised. It belongs to you, Harry. It now rests, as vulnerable and fragile as this glass figurine, in the palm of your hand...
(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-14 12:38 pm (UTC)At least now Harry understands why Severus is with him and not Draco..
Love the ornament. Would be so niffty to have one o:
(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-15 01:35 am (UTC)Thank you for keeping up with this story and congratulations on finally being free from all those finals. They are over now, aren't they?