Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire.

[pekeleke]

Title: Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire.
Fandom: Harry Potter (Snarry)
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.
Author: pekeleke.
Rating: G.
Word count: 949
Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.
A/N1: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles (DW,LJ, IJ) 2015 prompt 3: Peppermint toads.
A/N2: This is the second part of my Black Smoke series.
Summary: 'Oh, no…'  Severus thought weakly, trying to come up with a way -any way- to kill whatever crazy thoughts were coursing through Poppy's mind stone dead.
Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire.

Severus had been relieved when Potter brought him to Hogwarts, confident that Poppy would take a single look at him, melt almost instantly upon catching sight of his woebegone kittenish eyes, and flutter about like one of those obnoxious peppermint toads she constantly snacked on until she came up with a way to fix him in one wand-swish, or less.

He'd been right on the melting and the fluttering but hadn't anticipated that she'd take a single look at Potter's frantic expression and get that dangerous gleam in her eye that Severus knew from experience meant her avid matchmaking instincts were about to rear their ugly little heads. Again.

'Oh, no.'  He thought weakly, desperately seeking a way -any way- to kill whatever crazy thoughts were coursing through her head stone dead.

“Awww!” Potter cried wimpily and sucked off the measly drop of blood Severus had managed to draw when he'd scratched his hand with dismally small claws. “What's wrong with you, kitty?”

“He must be afraid.” Poppy said, eyes alight with the realization that Severus was both mentally 'present' and totally onto her. Potter, intolerably naive golden savior that he was, chose that moment to gasp with appalled horror at the very idea that Severus still distrusted him enough to fear him when he was weak.

“Afraid? He has no reason to fear me. I'd never do anything to hurt him!”

The pleased gleam in Poppy's eyes made them literally sparkle.
“Well, he's young. He hasn't learned to trust you yet.”

Potter hummed anxiously, too busy attempting to land his hand on Severus' ridiculously fluffy back to realize the terrible mistake he was making. Poppy watched them like a hawk, and she must have seen something she liked in the Gryffindor's face because she suddenly smiled and used her palm to trap Severus' squirming body against the mattress, patting him warningly on the head when he yowled in outrage. “None of that, little one. You'll be as safe as houses with Mr. Potter. Didn’t you hear him say he'd never hurt you?”

Potter was obviously too stupid to realize he should have started running for the hills five minutes ago. He looked away from Severus' ferocious struggle to escape Poppy's hold, prattling on uncomfortably about how he had cast both Finite Incantatem and the Animagus Reversal spell unsuccessfully before Apparating here.

“I'm not surprised. The labels on the broken jars you brought along indicate that Severus was carrying Empowering Potion when he was cursed. That makes the human to animal tansfiguration spell counter-curse resistant until the potion wears off.”

“You mean he's stuck like this?” Potter squeaked in a tone so wobbly with concern that Severus felt like groaning.

“I'm afraid so. For a week or two at least.”

“And there's nothing we can do?”

Poppy frowned darkly, and Severus perked up. 'That's it, Potter. That's it!  Make her realize she can't possibly trust you with my well-being.”
“I just want him to turn back. He must be going mad, trapped against his will inside such a small kitten.”

“Mr. Potter-”

“Please. I'll do anything, anything at all.”

“Anything?” Poppy asked so pointedly that Severus wouldn't have believed it was possible for anyone to miss the gleeful insinuation in her tone if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. 'Merlin, Potter must be stupid to the marrow.'

“Of course!” Potter cried fervently, and Severus would have banged his head repeatedly against the closest flat surface if said surface hadn't been the mattress of the bed he was sitting awkwardly on. 'There's no point. It's not nearly hard enough to help me lose consciousness immediately.'

Poppy eyed Potter's hand, which had responded with instinctive gentleness to Severus' glum decision to slump disconsolately forwards until his tiny little jaw rested on the soft fur of his front paws. The Savior's palm slid nervously up and down Severus' uncomfortably sensitive back and he tried to twitch away, only to be thwarted -once again- by Poppy's restraining hand.

“What's wrong with him?” Potter asked, pawing him some more, and unwittingly giving the tenacious matchmaker who had failed in her every effort to 'unite' Severus with his 'one true love' for the past twenty years more fodder for her latest -and frankly deluded- flight of fancy. 'Potter and I… pft!  What the hell are you thinking, woman?'

“He's a kitten. He's small and terrified, and he hasn't yet learned to trust you.”

“Professor Snape would never-”

“Severus isn't there, Mr. Potter."

“What does that-how is he not...?  Merlin!  You mean he's gone?  Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Poppy lied and Severus tried to growl, but his tiny throat couldn't produce the mighty roar he'd envisioned. A wimpy, little mewl rent the air instead and she used it to demolish the last smidgen of doubt that was valiantly flashing across Potter's guilt-ridden gaze. “Did that sound like Severus Snape to you?”

“No, but-”

“That's because Severus isn't there. This is just a kitten. An utterly adorable, black smoke kitten to be sure, but a kitten nevertheless. He'll need your care and attention until the potion wears off.”

“Wouldn't it be better to...?”

“He can not stay here.”

“He can't?”

“Of course not!  Can you imagine what the students might do to their strictest professor's vulnerable body if they got their hands on it?”

Potter blanched, the utter sap, and Severus realized there and then that he was royally screwed. Poppy had successfully foisted him into the unsuspecting savior's hands. He'd be trapped for a week -or more- with the kind of idiot who'd just swallowed the whopper that Severus wasn't fully 'there' without blinking twice.  'Oh, Merlin!  Kill me now. This can only end in tears.'

TBC

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Comments

[alisanne]

Yes, Severus, but whose tears? *g*
Oh this has such potential for fun!
*settles back in chair with popcorn to watch the show*
This is going to be good...
*awaits next installment*

[pekeleke]

I'm thrilled that you're enjoying this story, ali. Thanks, as always, for taking the time to both read and review another work of mine. Seeing your name in my in-box never fails to make me smile. :D

[sweetmelodykiss]

That was wonderful. I can't wait to read more.

[pekeleke]

Thanks so much! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. :D

[keyairreem]

HAHAHAHAHA *bows to your brilliance* The potential here is just amazing and I cannot wait for more. Poppy is a genius! Thank you for sharing!!!

[pekeleke]

LOL. Yep. Poppy is definitely a genius, although I doubt Severus will agree with either of us just yet. Let's give him some time, though, and he'll see her brilliance, too. :D

Thanks, as always, for taking the time to both read and review another work of mine, keyairreem. Your lovely comment was greatly appreciated. :D

[silverose]

I've got my seat next to alisanne!
Good start!

[pekeleke]

LOL. I'm glad you're enjoying this. Thanks so much for taking the time to both read and review. Your grin-inducing comment was greatly appreciated. :D

[torino10154]

I love that Poppy's totally using this as a matchmaking opportunity. LOL Two birds with one stone, I suppose--Severus will be safe with after all. Can't wait for more.

[pekeleke]

LOL. Poppy is definitely multitasking there, isn't she? *grins* I wonder how long it'd take Severus to thank her for foisting him on Potter... ;)

Thanks so much for taking the time to both read and review this story so far. Your lovely and encouraging comment meant the world to me. <3

[mrs_sweetpeach]

Oh dear, oh dear. I've seen kittens who try to roar. It's adorable behavior and so clearly not what the kitten itself expects. Poor Severus, saddled with a Harry who doesn't realize Severus is very much himself on the inside. Hopefully Harry will find a clue soon. That or Severus will find very kittenish ways to torment him in addition to using his unbelievably sharp kitten claws (I say unbelievably because our own Fiona was a kitten six months ago and she had some of the sharpest kitten claws I've ever felt.)

Looking forward to the next installment!

[pekeleke]

LOL. Poor Severus indeed. Although I imagine that this is going to be one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities for him, the kind that could potentially change his life for the better. Tormenting Harry too badly could be detrimental for him and our dear Severus is way too slytherin to forget that, isn't he? ;D

I'm thrilled that you're enjoying this crazy story of mine, mrs_sweetpeach. Thanks, as always, for taking the time to both read and review another work of mine. Your kind and lovely comment was greatly appreciated. :D

[firefly124]

Oh my, Severus is in for it now! Harry, how can you not see that he's in there? Good on Poppy for the matchmaking, though.

[pekeleke]

LOL. Oh, yes, Severus is definitely in for it now. As is poor Harry. *grins evilly*

I'm thrilled that you're enjoying this crazy little story. Thanks so much for taking the time to both read and review it. Your kind and lovely comment was greatly appreciated. :)

[adafrog]

eeee!!!

[pekeleke]

Thanks, ada! <3

[teryarel]

I truly hope it will end in happy tears.

And what a good friend Poppy turns out to be! I bet she was telling Minerva, who happened to be on her way to Pomona and just walking by the infirmary, all about the situation and how she managed to foist Severus upon Harry, or foist Harry on Severus. And she and Minerva would look at each other, grin broadly and then start to cackle like the crazy, meddling witches they are. Flitwick, who had just then come in to renew the charms on one of the very draughty windows that Poppy hat yesterday pointed out to him, would overhear them and ask what they were laughing about. After a very pictorial description Filius would suggest to view Poppy's memory in a pensive. How convenient that Minerva owns one! So she would send a patronus to fetch Pomona, and together they would treck to Minerva's office, who would offer her best Scotch for the occasion; Filius would bring Charlotte's Choking Chunks Chokolate C(h)ookies (tm), Poppy some home-made Cinnamon-Cherry-Every-Berry-Jam, Pomona would share her very special magical herb tea (it's really just herbs, not what you may think!). And they would watch the memory - several times, just to be sure they catch this cute little scene where Severus is sinking defeated onto the matress, his head listlessly lolling down onto his small front paws while his little bum is still raised up, and these eyes! Oh look, he's huffing now, and look at Harry there, yes, he's such a good lad, Filius can you extract a photo from a memory, oh, look! - laughing, bantering, and plotting the downfall of The Bat of The Dungeons and his subsequent rescue by the dashing Boy-Who-Lived-to-fall-for-a-bat-only-to-end-with-a-fluffy-cat-err-Severus-who-is-hissing-biting-and-sputtering-but--cute-and-WILL-see-what-Harry-is-really-like-and-realize-that-they-are-perfect-for-each-other!

More, please, pekeleke! And thank you for sharing.

[pekeleke]

OMG! This re-telling of what goes on in the castle while poor, dear Severus is stuck out there with Potter was hilarious. I loved all the little details that add so much weight to your story like Fillius' C(h)ookies, Poppy's Every-Berry-Jam and Pomona's herb tea. I know this isn't the first time I tell you this, my friend, but sometimes I wish you would write a little snarry story of your own, so that I can finally see the boys trough your eyes. You do have great potential to create funny, thoughtful and very loving snarrys. Your comments alone are prof enough of that. :D

Anyway, regardless of whether you decide to write one day or not, I want to thank you for showing me this little piece of your imagination. I adored every word of it. Every word, teryarel. <3