Title: Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire.
Fandom: Harry Potter (Snarry)
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.
Word count: 949
Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.
A/N1: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles (DW,LJ, IJ) 2015 prompt 3: Peppermint toads.
A/N2: This is the second part of my Black Smoke series.
Summary: 'Oh, no…' Severus thought weakly, trying to come up with a way -any way- to kill whatever crazy thoughts were coursing through Poppy's mind stone dead.
Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire.
Severus had been relieved when Potter brought him to Hogwarts, confident that Poppy would take a single look at him, melt almost instantly upon catching sight of his woebegone kittenish eyes, and flutter about like one of those obnoxious peppermint toads she constantly snacked on until she came up with a way to fix him in one wand-swish, or less.
He'd been right on the melting and the fluttering, but hadn't anticipated that she'd take a single look at Potter's frantic expression and get that dangerous gleam in her eye that he knew from experience meant her avid matchmaking instincts were about to rear their ugly little heads. Again.
'Oh, no…' He thought weakly, desperately seeking a way -any way- to kill whatever crazy thoughts were coursing through her head stone dead.
“Awww!” Potter cried wimpily and sucked off the measly drop of blood Severus had managed to draw when he'd scratched his hand with dismally small claws. “What's wrong with you, kitty?”
“He must be afraid.” Poppy said, eyes alight with the realization that Severus was both mentally 'present' and totally onto her. Potter, intolerably naive golden savior that he was, chose that moment to gasp with appalled horror at the very idea that Severus still distrusted him enough to fear him when he was weak.
“Afraid? He has no reason to fear me. I'd never do anything to hurt him!”
The pleased gleam in Poppy's eyes made them literally sparkle.
“Well, he's young. He hasn't learned to trust you yet.”
Potter hummed anxiously, too busy attempting to land his hand on Severus' ridiculously fluffy back to realize the terrible mistake he was making. Poppy watched them like a hawk and she must have seen something she liked in the Gryffindor's face because she suddenly smiled and used her palm to trap Severus' squirming body against the mattress, patting him warningly on the head when he yowled in outrage. “None of that, little one. You'll be as safe as houses with Mr. Potter. Didn’t you hear him say he'd never hurt you?”
Potter was obviously too stupid to realize he should have started running for the hills five minutes ago. He looked away from Severus' ferocious struggle to escape Poppy's hold, prattling on uncomfortably about how he had cast both Finite Incantatem and the Animagus Reversal spell unsuccessfully before Apparating here.
“I'm not surprised. The labels on the broken jars you brought along indicate that Severus was carrying Empowering Potion when he was cursed. That makes the human to animal tansfiguration spell counter-curse resistant until the potion wears off.”
“You mean he's stuck like this?” Potter squeaked in a tone so wobbly with concern that Severus felt like groaning.
“I'm afraid so. For a week or two at least.”
“And there's nothing we can do?”
Poppy frowned darkly and Severus perked up. 'That's it, Potter. That's it! Make her realize she can't possibly trust you with my well-being.”
“I just want him to turn back. He must be going mad, trapped against his will inside such a small kitten.”
“Please! I'll do anything, anything at all.”
“Anything?” Poppy asked so pointedly that Severus wouldn't have believed it was possible for anyone to miss the gleeful insinuation in her tone, if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. 'Merlin, Potter must be stupid to the marrow.'
“Of course!” Potter cried fervently, and Severus would have banged his head repeatedly against the closest flat surface if said surface hadn't been the mattress of the bed he was sitting awkwardly on. 'There's no point. It's not nearly hard enough to help me lose consciousness immediately.'
Poppy eyed Potter's hand, which had responded with instinctive gentleness to Severus' glum decision to slump disconsolately forwards until his tiny little jaw rested on the soft fur of his front paws. The Savior's palm slid nervously up and down Severus' uncomfortably sensitive back and he tried to twitch away, only to be thwarted -once again- by Poppy's restraining hand.
“What's wrong with him?” Potter asked, pawing him some more, and unwittingly giving the tenacious matchmaker who had failed in her every effort to 'unite' Severus with his 'one true love' for the past twenty years more fodder for her latest -and frankly deluded- flight of fancy. 'Potter and I… pft! What the hell are you thinking, woman?'
“He's a kitten. He's small and terrified and he hasn't yet learned to trust you.”
“Professor Snape would never...”
“Severus isn't there, Mr. Potter."
“What does that-how is he not...? Merlin! You mean he's gone? Are you sure?”
“Positive.” Poppy lied and Severus tried to growl, but his tiny throat couldn't produce the mighty roar he'd envisioned. A wimpy, little mewl rent the air instead and she used it to demolish the last smidgen of doubt that was valiantly flashing across Potter's guilt-ridden gaze. “Did that sound like Severus Snape to you?”
“That's because he's not there. This is just a kitten. An utterly adorable, black smoke kitten to be sure, but a kitten nevertheless. He'll need your care and attention until the potion wears off.”
“Wouldn't it be better if…?”
“He can not stay here.”
“Of course not! Can you imagine what the students might do to their strictest professor's vulnerable body if they got their hands on it?”
Potter blanched, the utter sap, and Severus realized there and then that he was royally screwed. Poppy had successfully foisted him into the unsuspecting savior's hands. He'd be trapped for a week -or more- with the kind of idiot who'd just swallowed the whopper that Severus wasn't fully 'there' without blinking twice. 'Oh, Merlin! Kill me now. This can only end in tears.'