No Choice Required.

[pekeleke]

Title: No Choice Required.
Author: pekeleke
Pairing(s): Severus Snape/Harry Potter
Challenge: Written for snarry_100 ( IJ, LJ, DW ) prompt challenge 474: Forever
Rating: G
Length: 100
Warnings: * Angst *
Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.
Summary: “What's wrong?” Harry asked when Severus froze, failing to deliver their long-awaited first kiss at the last possible second.

No Choice Required.
read at rue16

  

“What's wrong?” Harry asked when Severus froze, failing to deliver their long-awaited first kiss at the last possible second. He'd braced himself for cold feet, but nothing could have prepared him for Severus' haunted answer:

“Lily.”

“Oh, god!”

“I thought I'd love her forever. I swore to myself that I would.”

“Severus...”

“She was meant to be my 'always' yet here I sit on her son's couch, intending to bugger him blind.”

“Mom would have hated to see you waste your 'always' on her. She wanted you to be happy.”

“I can't forget her, Harry."

“Then love us both, Severus.”

 

Comments

[adafrog]

Well done.

[pekeleke]

Thanks, ada. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. :D

[alisanne]

Aww! One of these days Severus will trust Harry. *nods*
Nicely done!

[pekeleke]

Yeah. Harry will earn Severus' complete trust one carefully averted emotional disaster at a time, and then they'll both be on the same page about each other. :D

I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this drabble so much, ali. Thanks, as always, for your lovely comment. :D

[lilyseyes]

Oh, nicely one!

[pekeleke]

Thanks so much, lily! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. :D

[teryarel]

"Oh, god!"

I like how Severus stops himself and admits that there is and always will be another one in his heart. But he is like he is, he does not speak of Lily as of a love long gone by; she still holds an active part of his heart. (Sorry, this sounds probably garbled, but I cannot express it better than this...) And Harry has to accept it and share his space in Severus' heart not only with another person, but with his own mother.

I like Harry's reaction, which is very mature, accepting and loving.

But I cannot help and ask: Is that going to be enough? I do not know where my thoughts and feelings comes from, but I fear that one day Harry would want more, would want exclusivity (is that a word?) - would want to be the only love in Severus' heart. Will he one day feel like competing against an impossible adversary - a beloved one, who is dead? Will he start to doubt Severus' feelings for him - will he believe that he is only loved *because* he is his mother's son?

I do not understand why I am so upset (?) about this story - actually I am feeling quite nice and better (and happier) than the last days, indeed. I mean the sun is shining, I feel great, I have a nice and long weekend, I am in a good mood. Where does this gloom-and-doom-feeling come from? I don't know.

But, tell you what, I bet Harry will simply brush my comments aside with a lazy wave of one hand, grab Severus' hand with the other, smile smugly at me and say that I am uttery wrong and have no idea what I am talking about. He would say that Severus' heart was big enough to love twice with *all* his heart. Then he would turn his back on me, pull Severus towards him and snog him senselessss!

Yay! ^^
Harry saves the day again! Thank you for writing and sharing this sweet story!

[pekeleke]

I understand why this particular drabble depressed you so much, teryarel. Dealing with Severus' love for Lily makes for a terribly difficult snarry dynamic, and the questions you can see Harry posing himself in the future are all very valid and portray him as a flawed human being, just like the rest of all, instead of some sort of unrealistically understanding paragon of virtue.

I think the older we get in life the more chances there are that when we find our match he/she'll have gone through life without us long enough that emotional baggage will be inevitable. There are plenty of folks who fall in love with divorced/widowed/separated people and they all have to deal with this particular issue. The past is always there and all of us have one. Harry has it better than many, though, because no matter how much Severus loved Lily, she was never really his. She was only ever a friend and therefore Severus can't ever compare his current romantic relationship with Harry with the unrequited fantasies he once weaved around his best friend.

You're right in your interpretation of what Harry will say to your questions. He has an unshakable trust in the loyalty and generosity of Severus' heart. He is generous enough himself to avoid forcing Severus to choose between his memories of Lily and the future they can have together. He's not trying to replace his mother. He's trying to mean as much as she did to the man he has chosen. And he does. That much is obvious, because Severus is there, sitting on his couch, just a breath away of giving him more than he was ever allowed to give to Lily. They'll be fine. They'll be happy. And they both know it.

Anyway, I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this drabble, even though it made you so sad. Thanks, as always, for taking the time to both read and review another work of mine. Your lovely comments never fail to make me smile. :D

[teryarel]

Hi once more!
I never answered to replies before, but I had to say something more this time...

Dear pekeleke, thank you very much for your words! I realized that while for a moment the story made me sad, it was just the moment that Harry and Severus shared. It is a sad love that Severus feels for Lily. It's a bit hard to explain: I was part of the situation, was part of their feelings. I was there, with them.

And I know they had to feel this sadness, too. Only this way Severus can truly open himself to the now and to the future. And only this way Harry will now that his man is ready to go on.

You are right that we all carry our own past into new relaionships. And only through your explanation I realized that, while Severus' love for Lily won't disappear, his love for Harry is a completely different thing. And though I still feel sad for this lonely man - no, I feel sad because of his sad past! - I can now bask in the knowledge that his future will be much brighter and full of Harry! :)

Thanks again, and I hope to read a new (short, long, sad, funny, caring, maddening, anyway you write it) story soon! ^^

[keyairreem]

Your heart is big enough Severus to love them both. Thank you for sharing.

[pekeleke]

Hi there, keyairreem,

I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long for a reply to your lovely comment, but I was away on vacation and only just got home.

I agree with both you and Harry on the point that Sev's heart is big enough to love them both. Thanks, as always, for taking the time to both read and review another work of mine. Your beautiful words meant the world to me. :D