The voice under all silences. Chapter 38

[pekeleke]

THE VOICE UNDER ALL SILENCES. Chapter 38 

The ministry ballroom shone under the bright light of about a thousand enchanted candles and a quartet played softly on a raised platform in the corner.

The food was surprisingly hearty and the company, although boisterous, was also perfectly respectful around him. Harry kept a hand firmly curled on the small of his back that seemed to be drawing an unusual level of attention from everyone around them and he tried to ignore the fact that they were the focus of everyone's interest.

He'd agreed to come to the Auror-corps Annual Fundraiser of his own free will and he had no intention of allowing his ridiculous reticence to advertise their close relationship quite this openly to cause Harry further reason for doubting the sincerity of his commitment.

“Shall I bring you some apple juice or would you prefer water, Severus?”

His eyes widened with horror as he realized that the boy was planning to abandon him in the middle of the room, in order to go fetch more drinks, and he had to swallow hard to avoid snapping out the flustered demand, for the child to stay put, that was rising up the back of his throat. Harry had actually stuck to him like glue throughout the evening. They'd sat together and were never apart more than five or six feet from one another at the most. The boy had hovered around him like an anxious mother hen, dragging him to meet this or that other colleague who had to be acknowledged by the head of their department, in an obvious attempt to ease Severus' own nervousness. He'd been paraded around, in front of a truly dizzying number of widely smiling aurors, with dismaying enthusiasm. Harry gushed about him to whoever was within hearing range, extolling supposed virtues that he'd never even guessed he possessed with a soppily devoted look that discomfited him greatly. He was being treated like a treasure of untold value. He was being openly cherished and adored without any sort of restraint or even embarrassment.

He understood that he had to learn to cope with their relationship better, as they both were very public figures and there seemed to be an inordinately amount of... attention... directed towards their personal lives. He realized that he had to come to terms with the fact that his partner tended to be rather open about his emotions, while he himself possessed a more restrained nature. He also understood that he was a grown man of forty who was currently behaving like a timorous thirteen year old. His cheekbones turned pink with the embarrassment of knowing that he'd been trying to hide behind Harry's figurative skirts all night long. He took a single step away from the boy, trying hard to ignore the trepidation that the very idea of being left to his own devices in this room, even if it was only for a second, caused him. He curled his trembling digits into lose fists and lowered them, as nonchalantly as he could bring himself to do it, against his sides. His head turned away from his companion, trying to hide his suddenly ashen face from the intense, green-eyed scrutiny that the boy was trying to subject him to and his dark gaze centered frantically on the dance floor, staring at it blindly.

“I... I'd prefer water, if you don't mind, Harry”

A beat of silence followed and, for a second he truly believed that he'd managed to hide his sudden discomfort from the boy.

“Are you alright, Severus? You look... upset”

He tried to smile but his lips felt stiff and unresponsive. He was mostly certain that he looked about as terrified as he felt and the truth was that, even though he would have preferred to be anywhere but here in this very second, there was no one else he'd rather be with in all the world. He had to go through this. He had to learn to cope with it, somehow. He had to... find a way to belong in parties such as this one, where candlelight and dancing were expected and alcohol was freely being consumed by almost everyone.

“I'm a bit tired, that's all. You know how I prefer to avoid this kind of events. I'm finding it all a bit trying. But I'm fine, I promise...”

Gentle fingertips curled around his painfully thin chin and pulled on it, mercilessly forcing him to turn around once more and face the owner of the bright green eyes that settled on his slightly flushed visage with obvious concern. All that callused hand had to do then was raise minutely, in order to press it's warm palm against his crimson-colored cheek with utter devotion.

“We could go right now, if you want. I've already shown my face and the food is all gone. There's no need for you to suffer through this any longer. Not on my account, Severus. I've done my duty and now I'm on my own time. I have every right to whisk you away from here and vanish, if I want to. I'm actually amazed that you've lasted this long without bolting.”

Sheer relief flooded his whole being from head to toes at that moment. He was grateful to know that he'd done well enough by Harry. He felt accomplished and proud of himself in a way that he'd very rarely experienced when it came to any of his relationships. He was used to being a disappointment, a lost cause. A source of pain and disillusion. He had never really done well by anyone, unless they were talking about Draco... But Draco was his godchild and had only ever required genuine interest and affection on his part.

“I told you that I'd behave, didn't I? I very rarely break my promises, you know?”

Harry's palm rubbed affectionately against his cheek and the very tip of those blunt fingers caressed his fluttering eyelashes gently. The boy smiled fondly, giggling under his breath at the ticklish contact and then proceeded to go as far as to curl a single lock of Severus' dark hair around the delicate shell of his left ear.

“I know that, Severus. I've always known that. And I'm glad that you are here. That we are not hiding any longer. I'm thankful that you are actually granting me the joy of touching you like this, in front of anyone who cares to look our way. I feel like the luckiest man on Earth right now...”

His throat closed with emotion and he couldn't have moved away from this one man for all the gold in Gringotts. His eyes shone like wide, black coals in his flushed face and a truly beautiful, shy smile curved his lips.

“The luckiest man on Earth would be dancing right now, Potter. He wouldn't be ignoring music as heavenly as this, no matter what”

Laughter broke across the lips of his companion and those emerald green eyes flashed with contentment.

“You are impossible!. Why can't you just come out with it and say you want to dance without implying that I'm, somehow, deficient?

He was so unused to bantering with anyone that, for a very fleeting second, he actually thought that he'd genuinely offended Harry.

His smile froze and he blinked with worry, then the boy's too warm fingers settled on his shoulder and squeezed gently. The moment stretched as their gazes clashed with one another and he felt crippled with nerves once more. Tense and utterly awkward. Flustered. Uneasy...

“I'd love to dance...” He stuttered out finally, hoping for Harry to recognize his struggles and step into the breach. The boy didn't disappoint him. A single look from those bright green eyes and the gryffindor's expressive face seemed to melt with obvious adoration.

“Then come here, Headmaster. I've been waiting all night long to twirl under these lights with you...”

They were gone in the next second, hands entwined, chests aligned, breaths mingling with one another as their eyes became entangled. Ensnared. Imprisoned within the darkened gaze of their companion. The music reached their ears as if through a thick veil made from the most fragile of gossamers and the lights floated around them, bathing their enraptured expressions in a slight golden glow that painted them with beauty.

He felt as light as butterfly wings as his feet fairly floated around the ballroom. He felt wonderfully alive and safe and happy. He was dancing with his Harry and it felt right for him to be here, out in the open. Silently acknowledging before all others, at long last, what they both had been to one another for a while now. They were here. They were together. They belonged in each other's arms.

One song led to another and it seemed as if they floated within a bubble of contentment. He could not stop dancing. Could not stop feeling the heavy beat of his heart thundering against his wrists, his ears, against his narrow chest, with strength enough to make him feel giddy with joy.

He began to smile brightly, almost without his knowledge, and was only aware that he was doing it when Harry's feet faltered and the boy told him with a roughened gasp:

“Your smile, Severus, it's so beautiful...”

His mind was somehow too full of a bubbly sort of happiness to bother feeling bashful at that second, so he smiled even further. His eyes glowed like dark silk and his hair whirled around his flushed face with every step that he took. He laughed aloud, feeling carefree and happy. Then he twirled, twirled, twirled... until he felt himself become dizzy with sensation and he had to come to a stop lest he fall down to the floor. He closed his dark eyes, against the speedy rush of images flying past them, and lowered his forehead until it rested against Harry's hard shoulder, trying to catch his breath.

“You both look as if you are having a great time, Mr. Potter. Would you care to make a comment for the morning edition of the Prophet?”

The moment shattered into a million pieces of fragmented loveliness when the overly-sweet voice of Rita Skeeter reached their ears and he tried to lift his face away from Harry's chest without success. The boy's fingers had tangled in the back of his neck and were holding him fast, whether in an attempt to grant him privacy, by keeping his face sheltered, or in a show of unity, meant to defy the poisonous articles that the journalist had been peppering the papers with in the last few months, he couldn't tell for certain. Harry's shoulder had tensed to the point were it now felt like a boulder made of granite. Severus could feel the rigid muscles underneath the thick velvety cloth of the auror's formal robes and, when the boy spoke, the gentle voice that he'd learned to associate with the young man had been transformed into a frostily formal rendition of the very same kind of polite verbal loathing that Luc excelled at.

“I am happy to inform you that tonight's Fundraiser has been an incredible success. The families of aurors who've been maimed or even lost in action, during the course of the past year, can now count on some desperately needed economic support thanks to the donations we've received today. Please feel free to extend my heartfelt thanks to the general public for their generosity”

There was a faint sound of coarse scratching against paper as that vile woman's Dicto-quill hurried to copy Harry's words in the brief silence than ensued.

“Ummm... yes, yes. I can see how the occasion has managed to bring out some of the most influential people in today's society. Some of tonight's attendees are men who've become very hard to track indeed. That, of course, could be applied directly to you, Headmaster Snape. I must admit that I'm shocked to see you here. Are you particularly fond of the auror corps?”

The moment she'd dared to address him directly his whole frame stilled into the kind of fight or flight stance that had so often helped him scape dangerous situations during the war. He was now utterly aware of the thick silence around them. He could tell that the music was weakening dangerously and the loud giggling of the dancers had began to diminish as everyone's attention started to center around them. He tried to push against Harry's restraining hand, in order to turn around and face her, but that turned out to be impossible, as the boy seemed determined to deal with the woman all by himself.

“This isn't the right time for this, Mrs. Skeeter. You are actually incurring in a severe breach of the rules that I know for a fact were attached to every invitation that was delivered to all members of the press. I'm sure you know that the ministry is taking great pains to protect the privacy of every single benefactor who has been gracious enough to donate either their time or their money to this cause”

A single gasp of utterly faked surprise escaped the journalist's throat before a jarringly sweet pearl of laughter shattered the silence.

“I'm just asking for a comment about the party, Auror Potter. I haven't actually attempted to press the Headmaster here for any sort of personal information. You, better than most, should know that a quote from him would drive my article straight into the front page, instead of leaving it relegated to the back of the society news...”

Harry's stance became even more rigid and he knew that the boy was a mere breath away from saying something truly unforgivable to this merciless shark. She'd love to have some seriously damaging nonsense to quote, along with whatever nasty spin her twisted head was already planing to add to her article.

He took a very deep breath, praying to every God he could remember the name of, to be granted strength enough to deal with the situation. Then he dared to raise his hand, bringing it into trembling contact with his companion's stone-like forearm, and squeezed on it gently in a bid to draw the man's attention to himself. Harry's arm twitched under his fingers and the digits that held him fast loosened slightly against his nape. He used the moment to pull himself free from the boy's the protective hold. Straightening to his full, intimidating height in the next second and sharing a single, reassuring look with the auror. Then he turned his emotionless black eyes towards the delicately built blond woman who stood so eagerly beside them. She was smiling widely at them, attempting to portray a very obviously faked air of innocence while playing with the fluffy, magically-enhanced feathered quill that rested menacingly against an ever-growing length of hastily scrawled parchment. A sudden flash blinded him in the next instant, as a picture was taken of them both, and he blinked rapidly in order to rid himself of the small pinpricks of light that danced before his overwhelmed pupils.

“You are looking rather dapper, Headmaster. I must say your recovery has been as fast as it's been troubled. We've been very concerned about your health for a while now. Are you feeling any better? There have been certain aspersions cast over your current ability to perform magically, you know? I'm not sure if there are any rules about a squib being allowed to hold as exalted a position as the one you are currently occupying, but I could... look... into it”

He'd barely had time to open his mouth when Harry's incensed growl rendered any answer he might have been willing to offer her utterly pointless.

“No personal questions, Rita. You'll respect the rules of this event or I swear I'll have you thrown out of here!”

Her quill fairly quivered with enjoyment as it proceeded to copy Harry's every word with a relish that shouldn't have been so obvious in an inanimate object.

“Oopps! Touchy... I'm sorry if I upset you, Auror Potter. So sorry... Tell me, Headmaster, Are you enjoying the party?”

“Yes”

She blinked behind her fashionable rhinestone glasses and smiled rather coldly at him.

“That's a rather... succinct answer, don't you think?. As I was telling Mr. Potter here, any printed comment of yours is likely to raise the profile of this event exponentially. One never knows what kind of late-donations might be waiting to pour on the head auror's table come the morning... I'm sure you wouldn't want to jeopardize the possibility of inspiring our readers into further generosity with such... spartan... contribution to my piece, would you?”

By now it was clearly obvious that the whole room had become aware of their interaction and not even the quartet was bothering to play any longer. Everyone stood utterly still, as if frozen to the spot by a generalized Petrificus hex. Everyone was silent. Enthralled. Eagerly awaiting whatever it was that he cared to offer in answer, as if that was of any importance at all. They'd all come here for the children of wounded aurors. They'd come to honor those who protected civilian society, day in and day out, for a mere pittance. They'd come together because they all understood that they were those among them, perfectly ordinary people whom this shark of a journalist would never dare to corner for a quote, that deserved the kind of recognition that they'd never get otherwise... He looked straight into her pale blue eyes with the kind of vexed coldness that would have frozen his fellow Death Eaters to the spot and his tone was arctic when he answered her quietly.

“I admire every auror greatly. They all try their very best to protect us all from danger and, for that, they certainly deserve my appreciation.”

“Really? I was rather of the opinion that you had very unpleasant clashes with law-enforcement before, Headmaster.”

Harry growled next to him and he was forced to put his arm around the incensed gryffindor's shoulders.

“Everyone had a part to play during the war, Mrs. Skeeter. Everyone who fought that is. I can't, in good conscience, resent the aurors for dealing with me as they saw fit at the time. They believed me to be a Death Eater and they were correct in that particular assumption. Regardless of my true allegiance to The Light, every auror I encountered in those dark days was acting with the genuine intention of protecting the general public. That is commendable in and of itself. It's what we are all here to remember.

Our day to day safety rests on the hands of a few brave men and women. Sometimes their lives are lost in the course of their attempts to protect us. Let's give them something back in return for their efforts. Let's remember those who fell and honor them. Let's remember them with gratefulness and look after the loved ones they've left behind... That's why I'm here tonight. Why every single one of us is here, I hope. What else could I possibly add to make your article worthy, Madam? I'd have thought the cause itself would have done that...”

Thunderous applause broke across the room in a wave of almost ferocious fervor and he was utterly startled when Harry whirled him around and kissed him fiercely on the lips. He responded to the unexpected caress without being actually conscious of where they were or what they were supposed to be doing. He forgot that one of the most determined journalists in the wizarding world was standing right beside them in that second. They slowly parted ways and looked straight into each other's eyes, both wide-eyed and utterly flushed. Both breathless and dazed. Both astonished by the powerful strength of the emotions that seemed to have taken them by storm.

Flashes whirled all around them, like bursts of white, disruptive fire, but neither gave them further thought for the moment. Then that blasted woman's voice intruded in their world for the second time with another obnoxious question.

“Wow... that was some seriously intriguing display. Are we to assume from this that you are both involved with each other officially, or is this just... a publicity stunt to aide a great cause?”

He saw Harry's kiss-swollen lips compress into a severely irritated line but he himself ended up laughing with inexplicable amusement. He was here. He'd been caught on camera being kissed by Harry Potter in the middle of a Ministry dance... there was no point in acting all coy now. No point in trying to hint subtly at their togetherness. No point in refusing to face this thing that he'd learned to value above many others. It was time to give the man who loved him so patiently the daylight he deserved.

“Those who know me would be happy to confirm for you that I never willingly engage in useless lying. Publicity stunts, no matter how well intentioned they might be, are better left to the actual experts in such things. I, myself, prefer the far more traditional approach of simple honesty. Harry Potter has a place in my life, Mrs Skeeter. He holds a place that no one else holds. A place that's only his. That's all I'm willing to tell you at this point”

He didn't even see her quill copying his words, didn't even see the greedy expression that crossed her small features, didn't even hear the contented gasps of the crowd that surrounded them. He had eyes only for Harry and for the wide smile that was flowering, like a rare, coveted orchid, across the lips of the man who'd brought him here.

“It is enough, Severus” The boy whispered hoarsely and embraced him too tightly, pressing a flushed, contented face against the formal robes that covered his chest. “That is more than enough for me, my love. It's more than I had hoped. It's just... perfect!...”

The words fluttered against his heart as Harry's messy head came into gentle contact with his shoulder. He swallowed convulsively and lifted his own hands, closing them protectively around the auror's wide back. He'd barely had time to lift his head and look straight into the very satisfied face of a grinning Rita Skeeter before he felt the tell-tale signs of side-long apparition.

A second later the ballroom had dissolved into whirling shades of gray and they stood together outside the tall doors of Hogwarts. Moonlight bathed the grounds in silver beauty and the stars above shone with distant brightness, adding a magical sense of fragile purity to the perfectly still night.

“I'm sorry I kissed you like that. I... I should have kept my cool, I know, but you... You were brilliant, Severus! You put that little monster in her place and what you said about my aurors was so beautiful that I... I couldn't resist touching you...”

Potion-tainted fingers rose to press against Harry's lips gently, in a shushing gesture that he'd never before performed on anyone.

“It's alright, Harry. Everything is alright, I promise you. I'm not hiding from this any longer. We... we are together, OK?. We have now been together for a while. We do exist outside the walls of my office, no matter how convinced you might have been that we do not. This... this was inevitable. It was going to come sooner or later, no matter what. I had to take this step and I'm glad it happened in this way. I'm glad I had no time to agonize for days over making this decision. I honestly believe that I work better under pressure.

I'm not ashamed of you, you know?. I'm not ashamed of this. Now our relationship is finally out into the open. It's no longer a secret kept indoors. Now you know, just as I've known for a while, that you... you are important to me, Harry. Important enough to deserve both my effort and my acknowledgement. Important enough for me to step out of my comfort zone and... speak out loud. Important enough for me to try being the man that you so richly deserve to have beside you. You are important enough for me to allow myself to risk it all in the hope that, one day, I might actually become the kind of man who is genuinely worthy of you...”

TBC...

 

Ch37

Ch39