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The voice under all silences. Chapter 37
THE VOICE UNDER ALL SILENCES. Chapter 37.
Having his magic back filled him with renewed joy. He felt calmer and more certain. He felt safer and complete. He felt like a better, healthier version of himself. He felt like he'd never felt before in the entirety of his life and it showed in the way he spoke and thought. In the way he behaved.
As the month of January dragged itself along in a whirling of activity and cold weather he learned that he actually loved being Hogwarts' headmaster. The job was interesting and demanding, his teachers were a bright and dedicated bunch and he'd finally managed to get out of trying to teach the little brats a beautiful art that they were only ever interested in destroying. He missed his Lab work though. Missed it with the kind of passion that drove him down to the dungeons in the evenings, in order to indulge his craving for the art by brewing this or that potion for the infirmary.
After Luc had so brutally opened his eyes to the reasons behind professor Mctavish's peculiar behavior towards him he became aware of the fact that there were those who conducted themselves in exactly that same manner towards Harry. This led him to the startling understanding of the fact that the boy could have already abandoned him, if that had been his desire. Harry was being literally hounded by attractive and bold hopefuls wherever he went.
Their outings together were now peppered with his irritated glaring at this or that wide-eyed challenger behind his companion's back and his formerly unshakable determination to keep their increasingly closer relationship out of the public eye started to waver, as his fears of finding himself abandoned in the very near future, for a friendlier and far more attractive paramour, rose exponentially to his newer and utterly unwelcome awareness of just how... sought after... Harry really was.
Just as January was about to end Harry broached the subject of returning to his own set of chambers within Hogwarts. He appeared to be truly nervous as he spoke, almost like a supplicant awaiting a king's approval and Severus frowned in concerned incomprehension. He could not understand why the auror would bother to ask him his opinion on the matter. As far as he'd understood those rooms belonged to the man, they had been granted In Omnem Vitam* to him by the ministry itself. He could not actually see why the boy felt the need to ask for his permission to return to what, in essence, was his own home...
“I've been bunking in Ron's and Hermione's guest-room all this time, Severus. I couldn't bear to stay at the flat once you left. Everything reminded me of you. It felt like torture...
I know I could've come here straight away, but... I had pushed you so hard... You were on the very brink of sending our friendship straight to Hell and I didn't want to risk alienating you even further, so... I've been waiting for the right moment to get back here.”
He was shocked to hear this. He'd assumed that the auror had remained in his flat, never once bothering to ask him why it was that his rooms here at Hogwarts felt more lived-in than that blasted place in muggle London. He hadn't felt the need to touch the subject, as he had no inclination to set foot in that soulless place ever again, but now he frowned with worried self-condemnation and wondered how it was possible that he hadn't even once bothered to ponder on the... strange emptiness of that place, when compared to Harry's rooms here. Luc had told him that the boy had lived at Hogwarts, yet his mind seemed to have promptly forgotten all about that and had never truly attempted to remind him of it. What kind of friend did that make him? What kind of... companion? How could he have missed something so obvious for months?...
He felt so vexed with himself that his lips tightened with displeasure and he could not ignore the fierce burning of ashamed guilt that was twisting his guts into tightly coiled knots.
“I didn't know, Harry. I swear I didn't... Although I was already aware that you'd been living here before I recovered, the possibility that you might have abandoned your flat never even crossed my mind. I... I am sorry I never asked. Sorry I've been so blind to what should have been quite clear all along...”
The boy's messy dark head turned slightly to one side and those eyes that could see straight into the very depths of him studied him soberly.
“There's no reason for you to be sorry, Severus. You've had plenty of other things on your mind lately. Coming back here must have felt so strange to you... You were on the verge of a nervous breakdown at the time and I freely admit that it was my fault. I wanted to give you some of the space that you so desperately needed...”
“That was... extremely thoughtful of you. I can't honestly say I'd have reacted favorably if you had moved in straight away. Not right then. I was... I really needed some distance at the time...”
Harry's bright green eyes focused on his own with that disconcerting intensity that always made him squirm with sheer discomfort.
“I know that, Severus. I'm even willing to carry on like this, if you tell me that it's too soon for me to come home, but... I'd rather come back, unless you object strongly. Living with a young couple immersed in the busy business of raising a tiny baby is not the most restful of experiences, you know?.”
He blinked, surprised anew by the fact that he was being asked his opinion on the matter. He was taken aback by the uneasy suspicion that they were actually dealing with this issue like a... couple.
This was how Luc and Cissy interacted on every level, he'd seen it plenty of times. Had poked fun at his friend's expense for years on the issue of the man's inability to decide anything, without having first to engage in wifely negotiations...
He was shocked by the fact that this didn't feel as restrictive as he'd always imagined it would. It didn't feel like a surrendering of his freedom or even like a concession at all, no. This felt kind of... comfortable. It felt surprisingly liberating. It gave him the idea that he belonged somewhere. To someone, for the first time in his life...
His wondering silence seemed to spook Harry. Those green eyes darkened ever so slightly and the boy fidgeted in his chair.
“I understand that this has the potential to make you really uncomfortable, Severus. I'll be here all the time, day and night, unless I'm working. There'll be no obvious respite for you, at least not in the same way as now. I'll be constantly around and there's a chance that you might find it quite... stifling.
I don't want to put pressure on you or anything, but... I've been thinking that we've been doing well together. You've looked happy enough these past few weeks... I haven't managed to send you running for the hills in a while, so... I honestly think that you could cope with this.”
His cheeks turned rosy with ashamed embarrassment at that oblique reference to his tendency of avoiding engaging in any kind of discussion that even brushed past the subject of private emotions.
“I work here, Harry. Do not forget that this is a school. There are hundreds of impressionable children living under this roof, who deserve better than to see anything... untoward... happening between their Headmaster and a respected member of the community.”
Steady green eyes searched his flustered visage in the silence that followed. He stiffened into defensive formality and his hand shot out, towards the table, and grabbed the handle of his tea-cup with a slightly trembling hand. He used the delicate container like a shield, bringing it up in front of his own face and forcing himself to take a lengthy sip from the lukewarm beverage.
“Are you ashamed of... us, Severus?”
The question was voiced with the kind of quiet, perfectly controlled neutrality that didn't come naturally to Harry. That alone would have alerted him to the fact that the auror was deathly serious, had he been criminally blind to the plain distress that was steadily turning that moss-colored gaze into the very image of shattered disillusion.
Impotent frustration rose within his mind at his own inability to abandon the constraining chains that had always ruled his public behavior. He knew that Harry could not understand his apparent reticence to acknowledge their relationship openly. He knew that his lack of warmth in public bothered the gryffindor. He'd accepted going out to dine in the auror's company, but was still refusing every single invitation to join the Weasley's Sunday lunches. He'd refused to intrude in the boy's weekly visits to Ron and Hermione, or to join him and his auror colleagues whenever they went out for a pint on Friday nights.
“I do not enjoy activities that revolve around the consumption of increasingly larger amounts of alcohol, Harry.”
This excuse, used with increasing regularity nowadays, had gained him some respite a few times, but he was painfully aware that it couldn't be possibly applied to family gatherings at the Weasley's or afternoon visits to Ron and Hermione's home. It couldn't be applied to the annual fund-raiser for the auror corps that he'd been invited to attend as Harry's companion, either... He could definitely see where this awful question had come from, and it saddened him to understand that, in his pursuit to preserve their privacy, he'd been giving the gryffindor reason to believe that he wasn't fully committed to their budding relationship.
“I am not the kind of man who'd allow himself to... become intimate... with another unless there is some sort of strong commitment on my part, Harry. I'm sorry if my apparent reluctance to engage in public displays of... affection... has given you the erroneous idea that I regret our association.”
Harry's rigidity didn't ease. His frown deepened even further and his eyes shone with the kind of concerned worry that could so easily bring Severus into an anxious state of agitated self-doubt.
“This isn't about your lack of warmth in public, Severus. No matter what you may think to the contrary I do know you well enough to understand that going that far is well beyond your comfort level, you know?.
We are growing closer every day, that is true, but we haven't gone past... hand-holding and gentle kissing, either. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy enough with that, but... you are the one who is talking about the intimacy we share as if that should reassure me.
I've been more intimate than this with perfect strangers, you know?. The plain and simple truth is that you are refusing to move forwards, for some reason. You are refusing to continue on, towards all those things that will cement a real commitment between us, and I don't really know if you are doing it out of actual lack of interest, or shame, or some sort of combination of the two.
I want you to understand that I'm not actually talking about sex here, Severus. I'm talking about your very obvious reluctance to come right out and confirm that we are actual partners. We've been kissing for over two months already and still you are shying away from coming out to visit the people I consider family. You only allow us to come closer behind locked doors... You are refusing to attend the fund-raiser as my significant other and that is going to force me to either go alone, or find someone willing to play the part of friendly sidekick for the evening.
I want you to look me in the eye and tell me what is it that we are doing exactly. Is there anything to us beyond kissing?. Are we actually involved with one another, Severus, or are we just... friends with snogging benefits? Do you consider me to be yours, or are you willing to share me with another? Do you want to come out of hiding and allow others to understand that we are together, or is our us only possible within the four walls of this office?”
His cheeks colored in agitated reaction to these questions. He felt faint with utter discomfort. Couldn't even bring himself to... unwind enough to offer any kind of coherent answer to the gryffindor's complains. What could he really say in his own defense? How could he explain that he felt so disappointed in himself, in his own inability to stick to the formal friendship that he still believed would have benefited Harry the most, that he shivered with distress every time he so much as contemplated facing the opinion of others?. Should he explain how he saw his own acceptance of their strengthening relationship as a terrible, weak-minded act of utter selfishness? Could he explain that he was too cowardly to face Molly Weasley's disappointment in him? Or Minnie's? Could he even begin to make Harry understand that he didn't really want to lose everyone's respect because of his shameful inability to face loneliness? And even if he could... was he actually willing to risk losing Harry altogether in order to keep everyone else's good opinion? Who did he value more than the gryffindor? For whom would he be actually willing to cast the auror away?...
For no one... He wouldn't reject Harry for anyone at all. Not ever...
He couldn't really contemplate the very idea without feeling as if a joy-thirsty Dementor had just ripped the very last hope out of his soul. There was no one he'd choose over Harry himself, except maybe Draco. Or Luc... and he already knew that neither of those two would turn their backs on him over this. They'd probably celebrate it, judging by their constant hints and prodding. By the fact that Luc had actually bothered to intervene already, in order to bring them closer, going as far as to give advice to Harry at one point...
“It distresses me to realize that I... I seem to be failing you at a very basic level, Harry. I have never tried to hurt you in any way. I'm dismayed to learn that my behavior has driven you to question the sincerity of my intentions towards you.”
Harry's whole posture slumped in relieved reaction to his words. A tiny smile curved those young lips upwards and he shook his head wonderingly from side to side, interrupting the flow of Severus' response with a new torrent of his own.
“Even speaking about us forces you to hide behind all that stiff formality... It's not supposed to be that excruciating to talk to your own partner, Severus. It's only me!. I know you inside-out. I love you!. I'm telling you that you don't have to... rush... yourself on my account. There's no need for you to retreat behind that forbidding Headmaster persona of yours, OK?. We can deal with anything, as long as we both understand each other's limitations. I'm not trying to criticize you, or force you to change on my account. I just... I need some reassurance that we are both working towards the same thing.”
He could feel his own tension dissolving very slowly and understood that they were both stressing too much about... everything!. Harry's heart was very obviously engaged and his own... his own was trembling at the mere possibility of surrendering completely to the kind of emotions that had never truly managed to bring him anything other than despair in the past.
He felt safe, though. And cherished. He felt a contentment so strong that it managed to terrify and amaze him at the same time. But he was being cautious with his own reactions and instincts. Maybe too cautious...
“If you imagine that I'm going to start spouting some ridiculously hufflepufish mush, Potter...”
Riotous laughter halted his affronted response and he blinked. A single look towards the idiot's merry face brought with it the understanding of just how... ridiculous his objection had sounded. Of course Harry wasn't expecting him to start... gushing out nonsense!. That'd be tantamount to the kind of aberration that would make the boy break out into outright worry for his health.
His own attempt at a smile unfurled almost reticently in his face and it was then that he understood how is it possible to find both: exasperation and comfort in just one person. He sat there, relaxed and smiling in his sofa, while the boy fairly chortled beside him and realized that he couldn't continue to... hide... this thing forever. Harry deserved better than to be anyone's secret, let alone his own. He deserved better than to be kissed but not acknowledged before all others. He deserved... daylight.
“I think you should come back home” he stated suddenly and the laughter died abruptly in the very next second as the auror sat up straight to look him in the eye with a disbelieving expression.
“Really? Are you sure, Severus? I... I don't want to push you too hard and then have you balking out on us due to stress. If there's even a small part of you that is unsure about this, I'm perfectly willing to wait a while longer.”
Severus was grateful for the offer, but unwilling to actually take it. He knew himself to be... easily spooked when it came to this thing that they were building. He understood that he was being unfairly reticent about offering the gryffindor all those things that other people expect to find in a romantic partner. He was not the most demonstrative of men in the best circumstances and in this particular case he was still attempting to... discern the extent of his own feelings. He was wrestling with a sense of shamed failure at his own inability to stick to his initial plan of simple friendship.
He felt that he was wrong for the boy. He was too old, too damaged, too reticent. He was woefully ill-equipped to provide this lively and generous creature with the same kind of openly acknowledged adoration that the boy so easily bestowed upon him. But he also wanted to forget every one of those damaging misgivings and wholeheartedly reciprocate the generous affection that he so constantly received. He wanted to stop feeling guilty about it all and allow himself to accept the fact that, if Harry was here, then it was because the boy wanted to be, only...
He found it incredibly hard to convince his wary mind to accept such thing. His heart told him that the boy's dodged insistence was born of genuine affection, but his instincts, his fears, his every past experience in this area kept intruding constantly into his thoughts, eroding his already frayed confidence with soul-destroying reminders of just how ugly he was. How ill-tempered and cruel, how... lacking in both charm and good intentions. He felt so utterly unlovely in comparison to the child that his heart trembled with the very real fear that one day... one day Harry might finally open his eyes and realize that he was wasting his life on a nobody.
Thoughts such as these ravaged his confidence. He was losing sleep over them, contemplating them obsessively and feeling too insecure to share them with the boy. He didn't want to come across as a whiny, needy, wreck. Didn't want to have to suffer the utter humiliation of coming out and stating his every flaw before this man again. Wasn't sure he'd survive the heartbreaking misery of having Harry actually look at him, see him as he truly was, and leave his life.
As he wrestled with these terrible thoughts the very strength of his own reactions lead him to the startling awareness that his emotions were very definitely engaged. He stiffened from head to toes as the truth finally hit him with all the devastating brutally of a lightning-bolt strike.
His dark eyes widened impossibly and he stared blindly, straight into Harry's worried gaze, as he came to the realization that he needed the boy more than the boy probably needed him. He cherished their time together like a treasure that he might come to lose one day. He felt something deep and beautiful, that much was true, but... was he actually in love with the boy? Could he even go that far after having lost his heart to Lily Evans? And even if he could... was he brave enough to admit it?.
“I don't think it wise to allow my instinctive need for... seclusion... to taint us, Harry. Salazar knows that I'm not actually certain if I'll ever be able to relax enough to be truly comfortable with the idea of confronting public opinion on this matter.
I believe myself to be the worst possible individual you could have picked as a romantic partner. But I... I've heard you, loud and clear, every time that you've stubbornly insisted that I am your choice and I'm honestly trying to remind myself that it isn't my place to protect you from making this decision. I... I fear that I'd probably end up failing you completely and destroying this relationship beyond recovery, if I allow my own instincts to take over. I want to get past my own insecurities and follow your lead in this, but... it's so hard...
I believe that you deserve to be publicly acknowledged as my... my... companion. The man I want to grow closer to. The man whose love I've accepted. I believe that I could open up enough to recognize you as such, as long as you don't require some kind of grand and vocal gesture on my part. I'd be willing to start behaving like your significant other in front of your family and work-colleagues. I'll even accompany you to that Fundraiser of yours, if that's what you need me to do, just... don't abandon me to face it all alone, please. I don't know what I'd do then. How I'd react to that. I... I'd love to look you in the eye and be able to genuinely claim to be as certain about all of this as you are, but I am not. Not yet. I don't even know when that might happen but I want to reassure you, somehow. I want to give you my best effort, Harry, because receiving that much consideration from me is the very least of what you actually deserve.”
Harry's hand found his own and he was held tightly then. Their fingers intertwined and trembled together. Their gazes clashed with each other and they both became tangled within a vortex of sheer feeling. It was so strange... to feel this soft gentleness inside. To feel this exposed, this vulnerable, before another. It was even more bizarre to have the irrational certainty that no harm would ever come to him from such exposure. That this weakness was not so much a point of fragility but the strongest thing that he possessed in this second. Harry was fast becoming his shield against all danger. His cavalry. His shelter...
The moment hung, suspended into an eternity of fierce longing, and he felt himself grow impatient for a kiss that, for some unfathomable reason, wasn't coming. His dark eyes lowered to stare almost fixedly at Harry's parted lips and he waited, fairly dizzy with awareness, for the boy to bring their faces closer to each other's.
The auror smiled gently at him, but remained utterly unmovable, making him frown in puzzled confusion. He couldn't actually understand the reason behind Harry's unusual reticence.
Color tinged his pale cheeks as his eyes sifted once again, encountering a patient, but determined expression turning those bright eyes into a forest-green depiction of blatant invitation. His head turned slightly backwards, mind trying to comprehend what was happening here. Why it was that the other man was... failing... to bring them together, when he'd already indicated his own willingness to be kissed.
A sigh fluttered against his pale visage as Harry's tanned digits abandoned his own and that hand traveled up his left arm in a soothing, staying motion. Gently trying to keep him in place when he would have eased away.
“You can kiss me too, Severus. You can do it any time you feel like it, you know?. I'd love to have you initiate one of our sessions one day, and I thought that maybe you only needed a little push to do it.”
He blinked in dazed wonder at the very idea. It had never even crossed his mind that he could be allowed to avail himself of the boy's kisses whenever he so desired. A strange and rather... warm... feeling of... excitement... began to fill his every bone and muscle, his every vein and organ, with a breathless kind of overwhelmed trepidation and he simply sat there, staring dazedly into those incredibly amused green eyes like some kind of moronic little nincompoop.
“This is so awkward...” He managed to stutter after a second or two of mortifying paralysis. The sheer heat that he could feel burning his cheekbones into embarrassed crimson fire seemed to turn Harry into some sort of mushy devotee, and his face was carefully framed by the gryffindor's tanned hands. His long hair was brushed aside with gentle fingertips as the boy forced their eyes into collision once again.
“You are beautiful to me, my love. I know I haven't properly addressed yet all that nonsense you were telling Malfoy about when he was last here, but... you've got to understand that you could never be the worst possible choice for me. That is a ridiculous idea. It's untrue and it's unfair to both of us. You are, without a doubt, one of the most precious souls that I have ever encountered, Severus. I love you. I want everything you have to give me and that includes your kisses, too. There's no need for you to be so embarrassed about this. All that shyness of yours has no place here, between us. It's only me, don't you see?. We've kissed dozens of times already and this will be the same... There are no hidden pitfalls here, no further risk involved. Just... try it. You know I'll catch you every time, don't you?. All you have to do is try...”
His eyes closed in a bout of utter panic and he felt his long eyelashes brush the tips of the boy's fingers. Harry's patient, even breaths fanned his face as they both remained frozen for a single, doubt-filled heartbeat. Then he swallowed convulsively and allowed his own mind to come to terms with the undeniable fact that he actually wanted to do this. He wanted to kiss this man who held him so lovingly. He wanted to take comfort from Harry's caresses, whenever he felt the need for them. He didn't want to hold onto passivity, to be the kind of man who'd brainlessly accept the auror's touch only when it was offered, like some sort of submissive little lump...
He wanted to be something other than a willing, surrendering participant in this relationship that they were, so carefully, building from scratch. He wanted them to be equal. He wanted to embrace the kind of confidence that would allow him to stop behaving like a soldier being lead by his commander. He'd been always a follower. Always...
He hadn't ever trusted his own instincts and choices enough, when it came to his personal needs and desires, and that had resulted in his damaging tendency of allowing himself to be used for somebody else's purposes at every stage of his life. He'd been Luc's sidekick and Albus' second in command. He'd been the Dark Lord's spy and Lily's doormat friend...
He didn't want to fall into the same routine anymore. He didn't want to teach himself to accept Harry's every suggestion or desire. He wanted to have a say in what they did, in how they did it, and here was the boy telling him that he... he could have exactly that. Starting right now...
His eyes flickered open once again and he looked into a veritable sea of eager anticipation. A small smile curved his lips upwards and the wild flock of butterflies that were dancing in his stomach settled into a single, pounding thrum of quiet intensity.
He could do this. He would do this. There was no one else here but them, and his gryffindor would help him if he faltered...
Trembling digits rose towards that messy mass of hair that he now loved to turn even messier. The soft tufts of ebony curls that tickled his sensitive finger-pads brought him the comforting association of... home and it was then, at that very moment, that he finally understood that it was true. He was falling in love with this young man, if he hadn't done so already. He was being irrevocably conquered by Harry's gentle patience. By his quiet but blatant devotion. By his assertive insistence that they could become more than they had always been, that they could both find shelter together.
With a sigh he brought their faces within inches of each other and he felt it in his palms when Harry adjusted his own position very minutely, adapting himself to Severus' greater height. Their noses missed one another, thanks to that last minute shift, and it was then that he could see his path run clear all the way to the parted lips that were waiting, so eagerly, for him. His eyes closed as their mouths finally connected on his own terms for the first time and, as he felt Harry's lips unfurl open for him, responding to his caress with obvious, passionate enjoyment, he felt so much joy that he started to tremble. The kiss deepened as Harry reacted to his nervousness, bringing their chests closer by the simple action of hugging him quite tightly and he sighed within the auror's embrace, utterly contented.
He didn't know how long they kissed nor did he care. He only knew that he adored every single second of it. He felt closer to the other man, somehow. He felt a boldness that he'd never felt before and there was a kind of incredibly liberating elation running through his veins. He kissed the boy again. And again!. He delighted in that freedom until they were both breathless with anxious excitement and filled to burst with a childish mirth born from sheer, relieved, tenderness.
Harry's head settled against his shoulder after a while and they both spent hours just... cuddling. His own fingers traced patterns in the wilderness of the auror's hair and both their eyes became lost in the window as the sun reached lower and lower on the horizon. Sunset colors bathed his office, filling the growing shadows with purple-tinted beauty, and he understood for the first time that Harry was like his own personal sunset. Or sunrise...
The auror fought the shadows that hid within his own damaged heart with the light of his persistent presence on a daily basis. He'd managed, against all the odds, to bring Severus' intrinsic darkness into a nuanced kaleidoscope of color that allowed him, for the very first time in his life, to find brief glimpses of genuine beauty within himself.
He'd discovered, in recent weeks, that he actually liked the man he could become in Harry's presence. He liked the man he could envision, reading between the lines of the boy's comments. The man that Harry saw, whenever he looked at him. The one that he, himself, had never even managed to glimpse before the gryffindor had forced him to look beyond the horror reflected on the despised surface of a mirror...
He was happy, truly happy, in this utterly simple moment. He held his hope for the future in his arms. He had no more pain to endure in the months and years to come and this could be, so very easily, what the rest of his life looked like. The very idea made him smile form ear to ear. His eyes shone with a bright joy in the lengthening shadows and he could not see the darkness that surrounded him, at all. He could only see the bright shine of the first stars as they slowly began to wink into silver colored life up in the sky.
He could only feel the quiet, strong beating of his own heart. Feel the weight of Harry's body as it settled into slumber against his chest. Feel this instant burn with the kind of magic that had never truly graced him before. Heart magic surrounded him, enfolded him. Embraced him and held him in this instant of such perfect contentment that he was finally unable to deny the most shocking of truths: if he were to die today, right at this second, he'd still have lived a better, brighter existence in these last few months than he'd ever experienced in the whole of the forty years that preceded them. His throat closed at that realization and his hands curled protectively around Harry's wide chest.
A small snore rewarded his efforts and he blinked in astonished surprise at finding himself in the strange position of veiling the other man's sleep, without some sort of dire circumstances having made the very action somehow necessary. Neither of them was in danger or in hiding. Neither had been placed in this room, on this sofa, in the circle of the other's arms by foreign force...
He was here by his own choice and so was Harry. This was home. This was safety. This was everything that he'd ever wanted and then some... All of it was being offered to him on a silver platter, without invisible strings or cruel tricks attached. He'd be an absolute fool if he let this treasure go...
It was then that he finally realized that he had started to believe in the possibility of a bright and happier future for himself. One that held respect and love. One that held... this. The very notion froze him into stillness for a heartbeat and he shook with the utter wonder of it all.
The moment stretched into perfect quietude for a long time and, as the stars rose one by one, and began to blink softly down over the both of them, he understood that dreams were made at night to be threaded from this beauty. From this peace. From this lovely, stilled fragment of eternity that could, so very easily, rob any man's breath away...
“If there's a chance for me to ever re-learn how to love another properly, then this has to be it, Harry” He dared to speak his thoughts aloud into the darkness. Dared to voice his every hope, his every dream and all of those fragile little things that fluttered, like trapped wisps of half-formed longing, within his increasingly confident awareness, into whispered life.
“It can only be you, of that I'm finally certain. If I could write my own fate, if I could choose the rest of my own life, then this will be it. I want this peaceful contentment. This wonderful sense of safety. I want to hold onto the belief that I can make this beauty mine forever...
Please Merlin, I beg of you, do not force me to abandon this. Not now that I've finally found it...”
TBC...
A/N: In Omnem Vitam* roughly translates as “for life”.