pekeleke

Title: Step 5: Admission Of Weakness.
Fandom: Harry potter (Snarry)
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape.
Author: pekeleke.
Rating: G.
Word count: 928
Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. No money is being made out of this work.
A/N: Unbetaed. Written for the adventdrabbles (DW,LJ, IJ) 2014 prompt 10: Snowflakes, Prompt 11: Christmas carol sheet music, jingle bells, greenery and ornaments, prompt 12: fairy lights.
A/N2: This is the next part of my I n Love And War Series.
Summary: “I'd rather you bring down those chocolate digestives and babble inanely at me. Sometimes it gets too quiet in the lab and I've grown tired of my own company.”

Step 5: Admission of Weakness.

Severus sat on his couch in solitary splendor and realized, to his never-ending shock, that he missed Potter. The brat seemed to have vanished into thin air after Severus' abrupt refusal to stay around for tea three days ago. He'd seen neither hide nor hair of him ever since, and this uncharacteristic absence was driving Severus up the wall with frustration.
'How is it possible that he manages to irritate me to the very edge of sanity when he's not even here? And why the hell isn't he here? Didn't he enjoy transfiguring wild berries into jingle bells with Minerva last year? He better not have forgotten it's his turn to help Fillius drape the greenery garlands over the portraits.'

“Why so blue, Severus? I know decorating the staff-room isn't your favorite past-time but you've never been so grumpy about helping out before.” Poppy commented as she passed him the sheaf of Christmas carol sheet music the tree fairies had demanded as payment for their fairy lights service this year.

“My mind is on other things, Poppy.” He shrugged off her concern. “I hope to have all the potions on your list ready by tomorrow.”

She gaped at him.
“Goodness! You must have brewed round the clock to get them done so fast, Severus. There's no need to work yourself into an early grave for the infirmary's benefit, least of all when I won't need those potions until the end of the holidays.”

The chiding note in her voice passed him right by as his dark eyes finally caught sight of Potter. The brat had just bounced into the room, brightening it considerably with his mere presence. His cheeks were red with cold and he had a few melting snowflakes tangled in his hair, but he looked as cheerful as always, as far as Severus could see.

Poppy huffed at his inattention and stomped over to where the rest of their colleagues were unwrapping tree ornaments with child-like glee, but Severus only noticed her departure when Potter smiled at her as she trudged past him. Something strange twisted in his gut at the sight. Something hurtful and heavy and so ugly that it felt awfully close to... no. It could not possibly be jealousy. Why should he be jealous of anyone Potter cared to smile at?

The question grew in both strength and urgency as the brat failed to approach their couch, choosing to join the rest of their colleagues and start unwrapping ornaments instead, laughing easily at something Aurora said and rolling his eyes at Sybil's usual gloom-and-doom prediction for the evening ahead.

Severus remained perfectly still in his peaceful pool of... loneliness... and felt illogically abandoned. His throat grew tight and his eyes burned with unsettling emotion. His stomach roiled as he finally understood something that he'd never realized before: he thought of Potter as his.

The brat had been hovering near him, driving him insane with his constant babble and plonking himself on his couch for so long that Severus had grown accustomed to having him around. He'd hollowed out a Potter-shaped space in his life and hadn't even noticed he'd done it until he'd pushed the Gryffindor away.

'I've been an idiot.' He thought to himself as he sat in utter shock and watched his... couch partner... choose their colleagues over him. 'He's not even looking at me. I lashed out at him in a panic, just like I did with Lily, and now I've lost Harry, too.' The thought hurt him so much that he couldn't stomach the idea of remaining where he was. He couldn't even go over there and demand another chance at the friendship he'd so carelessly lost before he'd even realized that he had it.

He'd abandoned the couch and was already halfway towards the door when Potter's puzzled voice reached him:
“Where are you going, Severus?”

Severus turned around, blood pounding loudly in his ears, and realized he was the focus of every pair of eyes in the suddenly silent room.
“There are a few potions I'd like to brew before tomorrow. I'm sure you can finish this without me.”

The brat dared to snort at him in a show of disrespect that set his teeth on edge.
“We did that last year, remember? That's how we ended up with the 'unsightly, over-stuffed, lopsided disaster' you disparaged every single time you so much as looked at it.”

“I won't criticize the product of your labor if it bothers you that much.”

“You won't have to criticize it if you give us a hand.”

“I'm busy, Potter.”

“I'll help you afterwards, then. I'll come down to the lab and let you boss me around until you're either too tired to keep calling me a dunderhead or we've brewed all your potions.”

“I wouldn't let you near my cauldrons if my life depended on it.”

Potter laughed at that, green eyes shining with delight as they watched him take the smallest step away from the doorway.
“I'll peel your Shrivelfigs and grind your Doxy wings, then.”

“I'd rather you just bring yourself down and babble inanely at me. Sometimes it gets too quiet down in the lab and I've grown tired of my own company.”

Potter smiled at him as if he'd hung out the moon.
“I knew you'd miss me one day if I kept giving you cookies.”

Severus snorted under his breath, unwilling to expose the terrible truth out loud: 'I'd forgotten about the cookies altogether, Potter. I've missed you, just you. And that—that frightens me."

TBC

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